If you take a quick look at leadership and business courses, you will find a host of workshops on becoming an excellent speaker. But you don’t see too many on training you to be an effective listener.
“I’ll work on scheduling the meeting with Jim.”
“So, will you get a meeting with Jim?”
“I just said I would.”
Someone is not listening. You have probably seen some variation of miscommunication occur in the past. Studies show that when we get asked to recall discussions, we retain approximately 10% of what was said.
So, what’s our mind doing while we are not listening? Simple, we formulate our answers before the person in front of us has even completed finishing a sentence. We also think about what to cook for dinner. And we figure out ways to look at our watch casually. In short, we don’t listen.
Why does this happen? There are countless reasons why this occurs. Sometimes, our judgments and assumptions consume our thinking. We may be bored with the discussion. We may be more interested in thinking about an upcoming event. The speaker may be rattling on without focus.
In business and life, not listening happens. But, it should not be a habit. Leaders need to have keen listening skills to surface potential challenges, motivate and inspire their teams and keep lines of communication open and working.
How can you become an active and effective listener in business?
One of the first things to do is be mindful of your body language. Maintain direct eye contact, take notes if it helps and be aware of the image you are presenting with your body language. By showing openness, you provide the speaker with subtle clues that you are engaged and participating. Be careful not to cross your arms or spend time eyeing your cell phone.
Don’t interrupt or finish someone’s sentences. Make it a point to relax, pay attention, listen, and formulate your response to lead the speaker to the information you seek based on what’s said. You are not trying to shortcut the discussion by interrupting or fast-forwarding things by finishing sentences if you are actively listening.
As leaders, we often look for information, and time is money in the business environment. However, to get the best information available, people need to feel that you value what they are saying to you. So, ask questions. When someone makes a statement, ask questions that help you delve deeper into an issue. And, if you are speaking with a direct report about a process, take the time to ask them what they would suggest improving. If they are doing the job, more than likely, they know how to do it better.
Although I have several companies, I still consider myself a salesman. And, to me, it’s essential to get to the “no.” Engage in questions that result in someone telling you why they can’t do something. By actively listening, you want to be able to uncover the objections or challenges people may have that prevent them from doing something. A good technique is to ask hypothetical questions that provide the road map for how things could happen. You can also ask “if/then” questions that help move someone closer to the desired outcome. You can accomplish anything if obstacles get removed.
Hearing Disagreement
One of the most challenging but essential things to do is to hear things on which we disagree. If you are someone who interrupts or immediately looks to debate a topic, focus on actively listening and not saying anything. Listen carefully to someone’s position and then reply in a calm and non-confrontational manner only after you have had a moment to process. In the end, you may not agree, but the speaker will appreciate you more for having heard and listened to them concerning their position.
People want to get heard, but more importantly, they want to be listened to. By modeling this behavior, you will go a long way toward being a better leader and fostering a business culture that engages in active listening to help improve all aspects of the business.
© 2015 Wayne Elsey and Not Your Father’s Charity. All Rights Reserved.
Thank you Wayne….I needed that. I have taken over as District Director of a non-profit organization. Our team is focused on our mission, but need to establish best practices to enable us to do a better job of reaching our marketplace. Listening to them and our customers is the first thing I must to do.
Bob
Bob, thank you so much for your comment and I am very glad that my article was able to help you at your own organization. Please keep me posted on how things develop and wishing you the best of luck.
I believe that one of the leading problems with listening is that people prefer to talk, particularly leaders. As a rule of thumb: if your lips are moving, you’re not listening. Here’s my favorite quote on the subject:
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
–Epictetus
Thank you, Michael, for your comment. Hopefully leaders will begin to understand that in order to really excel, you need to be quiet sometimes and listen. I really do believe that staff and others have a lot to offer if we take the time to pay attention.
This is indeed, a very important ingredient for any successful leader at any level of endeavor. Truth is, people feel respected and appreciated when you listen to them. You get them to your side even if you do not agree with what they tell you. I can assure you that organizations have paid bigger cost in Dollar value for failing to listen to their workers, stakeholders and communities in which they work. I negotiations, one of the things we have failed to do is listening to other side. A lot of time, money and resources are wasted with little to show for success. Truth is, never assume that you understand the one talking better her/ himself. Many thanks Wayne, for highlighting on this very important leadership quality.
Kwame, thank you for your comment. I think you raise a very good point as well. If we don’t listen, particularly in sales and business development, unnecessary effort and money can be wasted. One of the tactics I try to use is to re-frame what I think I am hearing from the person across the table. It often works because if there is something that I misunderstood or did not get right, the other person will clarify. Thanks again for your comment and wishing you continued success.